PARENTS, TEACHERS AND COACHES: WHERE DO MINDSETS COME FROM?

• By: Louis Ochiel
• Date: September 15, 2022

No parent thinks, "I wonder what I can do today to undermine my children, subvert their effort, turn them off learning, and limit their achievement." Of course not. They think, "I would do anything, give anything, to make my children successful." Yet many of the things they do boomerang. Their helpful judgements, their lessons, their motivating techniques often send the wrong message. In fact, every word and action can send a message. It tells children or students, or athletes how to think about themselves. It can be a fixed mindset that says: you have permanent traits and I'm judging them. Or it can be a growth-mindset message that say: You are a developing person and I am committed to your development. As parents, teachers and coaches, we are entrusted with people's lives. They are our responsibility and our legacy. We now know that the growth mindset has a key role to play in helping us fulfill our mission and in helping them fulfill their potential.

GROW YOUR MINDSET

- Every word and action from a parent to child sends a message. Tomorrow, listen to what you say to your kids and tune in to the messages you're sending. Are they messages that say: You have permanent traits and I'm judging them? Or are they messages that say You're a developing person and I'm interested in your development?

- How do you use praise? Remember that praising children's intelligence or talent, tempting as it is, sends a fixed-mindset message. It makes their confidence and motivation more fragile. Instead, try to focus on the process they used-their strategies, effort or choices. Practice working the process praise into your interactions with your children.

- Watch and listen carefully when your child messes up. Remember that constructive criticism is feedback that helps the child understand how to fix something. It's not feedback that labels or simply excuses the child.

- Parents often set goals their children can work toward. Remember that having innate talent is not a goal. Expanding skills and knowledge is. Pay careful attention to the goals you set for your children.

- If you're a teacher, remember that lowering standards doesn't raise the students' self-esteem. But neither does raising standards without giving students ways of reaching them. The growth mindset gives you a way to set high standards and have students reach them. Try presenting topics in a a growth framework and giving students process feedback. I think you'll like what happens.

- Do you think of your slower students as kids who will never be able to learn well? Do they think of themselves as permanently dumb? Instead, try to figure out what they don't understand and what learning strategies they don't have. Remember that great teachers believe in growth of talent and intellect, and are fascinated by the process of learning.

- Are you a fixed mindset coach? Do you think first and foremost about your record and your reputation? Are you intolerant of mistakes? Do you try to motivate your players through judgement? That may be what's holding up your athletes. Try on the growth mindset. Instead of asking for mistake free games, ask for full commitment and full effort. Instead of judging the players, give them the respect and the coaching they need to develop.

- As parents, teachers and coaches, our mission is developing people's potential. Let's use all the lessons of the growth mindset-and whatever else we can-to do this.